Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
