apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
