just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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