there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
