I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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