I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
