True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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