Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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