Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You smell like stripper and shame
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
