Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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