WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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