so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
