tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
