my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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