I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.