She just used a chaser for red wine.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?