I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.