would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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