last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
