he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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