i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
