Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
