I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
