i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
