When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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