I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
