bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
