Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
