Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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