So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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