I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
