i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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