I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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