Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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