Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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