I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
