Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
