it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
