The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
