accomplished twins. life is a go
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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