Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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