You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
