I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize