we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
