Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
