The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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