My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
