well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
