All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
