1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found the puke drawer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
