goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
