There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
