$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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