ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
