Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who died my cat blue again?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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