my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize