Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize