I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
