Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
