So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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