I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
