Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
