tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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